the family considers my Anglican observances as irrelevant as Shinto. However, I wish prayers in some recognizably traditional form to be said, prayers that give thanks to the Creator for the gift of life and the hope of reunion. For reasons which you appreciate, I prefer a woman cleric, if possible, to lead the prayers. Here are two names: Phebe Coe, Epiphany Church; the Rev. Doris Mote, Holy Evangelists. Be sure to make a generous contribution from the estate for the cleric. As for the piece of me I leave behind, here are your options:


1) Open casket, full drag.

2) Open casket, bum up (you’ll know where to place the calla lillies, won’t you?).

3) Closed casket, interment with the grandparents.

4) Cremation and burial of my ashes.

5) Cremation and dispersion of my ashes in some sylvan spot.


I would really like good music. My tastes in these matters run to the highbrow: Fauré’s “Pie Jesu” from his Requiem, Gluck’s “Dance of the Blessed Spirits” from Orfeo, “La Vergine degli Angeli” from Verdi’s Forza. But my favorite song is “I Dream of Jeannie,” and I wouldn’t mind a spiritual like “Steal Away.” Also perhaps “Nearer My God to Thee.” Didn’t Jeannette MacDonald sing that di-vinely in San Francisco? Finally, would you read or have read A.E. Housman’s “Loveliest of Trees”? Well, my dear, that’s that. Should I be lain with Grandma and Papa Ben, do stop by for a visit from year to year. And feel free to chat. You’ll find me a good listener.


Love, Brother

March 1987,


Dear Paula: I thought I would jot down some of my thoughts about the (shall we say) production values of my ceremony. Oh God – I can hear you groaning – everybody wants to direct. Well, I want a good show, even though my role has been reduced involuntarily from player to prop. First, concerning the choice between a religious ceremony and a memorial service. I know 

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The Baltimore Waltz